How Am I?

[flying scot]

A while back I asked who am I...Well I still don't have a bloody clue, lol. But I'm good with that.

Physically, I'm doing great! Ok, a little embarrassing fungi action going on, but it's being treated. Last I check I'm back up to around the 190-200lb mark, though the weight isn't around the midsection. :great: And minimalist running is just plain fun. I do look forward to the warmer weather so I can get out my bikes as well. Unfortunately, I did give up on Insanity. On top of my regular training, it was just putting too much stress on my knees and ankles, and they were aching every day. If you want a challenging work out, I do recommend it though.

Mentally/Emotionally....I think I'm good, or at least not so bad, lol. Self esteem wise, I don't have any, lol. Then again, before it was in the negatives, so...I don't think positively of myself, but nor do I think negatively. I just am. The same goes for my self image.

I'm hoping to sit down with my therapist and go over some of the "activities" in No More Mister Nice Guy, which are aimed at helping me no longer be a Nice Guy. If anyone here wants to volunteer to be a "safe person", feel free to step up, lol.

Also with working with my therapist and reading Wild At Heart, I have come to identify my "wound". I know there's those here who have been abused by their parents, and/or don't see eye to eye with them, so my wound may seem insignificant to them, but to me.... My father was a "good man"(father/neighbor/boss), so what should have been a minor wound proved to be a serious wound that I've carried for too many years, believe it was true. He had such kind words as "if you can't do it right, don't do it at all," and the coupe de gras "can't you do anything right?" And without realizing it, my mother indirectly told me the same thing.....Really does explain why I've felt defective and unworthy now doesn't it.

I now realize I didn't deserve to be told that, and they had no right to tell me that. Now I have to start believing it.

I kind of feel like I'm in a row boat in the middle of the ocean right now. I don't see land any where around me, I have no idea where the shore is, how far away it is. But I know it's there, and I have simply rely on a bit of faith that I'll get there as long as I weather the storms and keep paddling.


Sexually, this may prove to be the hardest to the people here to relate to. Right now, I have almost no interest in sex, be it was a partner, a toy or even myself. With the thought of going into TO tomorrow has conjured up the desire to see a lady while I'm in the city though. This is where I must thank Hangman. A very big thank you to Hangman.

The last few times out were kind of meh for me. The time spent with the ladies was enjoyable and good, but I came away from it feeling blah. Hangman asked me how did I feel going in....That's when I realized the difference. When I went to see Genevieve and Britney, I wanted to get laid. When I saw Becky and Amanda, I wanted to see them before they retired. The other two times, I did it because I could. The times I really enjoyed were the times I went out with the sole motive of getting laid. I could be mistaken though, maybe because Genevieve and Britney were better in the sack than Becky and Amanda, but that's hard to tell...Well for me at least. This makes things difficult, because I really have to listen to myself, and do so very carefully. Do I want to see a lady because I want to see a lady, or do I want to see a lady because I can? And it's the latter, it maybe wisest to avoid it. I have to remind myself to say no to bad sex.

What makes things even funnier is that what interest I do have in sex is more inclined to be intellectual in nature. Like in another thread, in which I responded to Kyra, I would like to discuss sex and sensuality..Not to explore it, or experience it, discuss it. In it's own way, I'm very disappointed with myself, because I do like my suggestion of an Earth Hour rendezvous. Myself and a lady in a candle lit room snuggled on a couch, either enjoying watching a fire or over looking the darkened city of Toronto, listening to soft music, Just enjoying the quiet company of another. To me that is was is arousing to me right now....

...Not some sweaty, fluid covered wild three way.

I'd just like to close on a relevant joke.

There was a little boy who was extremely optimistic. He would drive his father up the wall with being able to see the upside of everything. Well the little boy's birthday was coming up, and he wanted a pony. The father decided he'd teach the boy a lesson. That being that there isn't always an upside to life.

So he went out and bought a trailer load of manure and had it delivered in the evening when the boy had gone to bed.

The next morning the boy comes out, see this huge pile of manure sitting in the middle of the drive way. He cries "Oh boy!", runs into the garage, grabs a shovel and promptly begins digging.

The father sees this, and goes out to ask the boy why he's so excited about all this manure.

"With all this shit, there's got to be a pony in there!!"


I see the shit, and now I'm digging for the pony.

Now I have to think about a tempting invite...Do I accept it because I want to accept it and what comes with it, or do I accept it because I can accept it.....

 

[Sgod]

Have you tried just making a simple list?
I am a man that dot dot dot
Start with simple things. Likes to wake up every day at 6. Likes pb&j. Is always where he says he will be.
I completely agree with you about Insanity...it did the same thing to my ankles.
As for the last thing....just a thought...if you didn't jump right on the invite, you mustnt think its that tempting...are you simply holding out for a better one? If not, then what's the harm in saying yes. That could be one on your list starting today...I am a man who will most likely say YES.

 

[========]

My comments are posted within the quote, please read them and it's time for a handle change lose Blank-Dave, and become Dave on the rise!

Cheers buddy.

 

[Anon]

I guess part of me is afraid I'll come away felling 'meh' like the last couple of times.

 

[josey]

start with a hug...you cant go wrong with it...

 

[[email protected]]

You are on your way to becoming whole dude. Keep on rolling and start living happier by enjoying your time with the ladies.

You should consider adding into your training some form of martial arts. It will give you some much needed confidence which will help you with everyday life.

 

[Lozziiee_Baybee]

That is one smart comment. Take Hof's advice makes sense.

 

[Gbubb]

Well there's the catch, Chunky. Two ladies I would like to see are available tonight. I needed to listen to my 'voices' to figure out which one is saying do it. Is it the one saying 'do it because you can' or the one saying 'do it because you want to'. A subtle difference, but also a big one



Here in town I have access to karate, Kung Fu, kick boxing, and boxing. I used to study aikido, but Pickering is the closest place to train.

 

[Ante]

I'd also agree with changing your handle. I'm glad your posts are less negative about yourself now.

As for sex, why is it important to cultivate a higher drive? Why look up to people on here who may have addictions and allow them to consume their lives? Does your therapist believe your sex drive needs to be corrected?

Congratulations on the progress you've made so far, being physically healthier will help you with your self esteem problems as well.

 

[cailyn]

Change your name and give us some swagger Dave.

 

[Travelin Pete]

Dave, what invite?.

 

[if only]

Dave who...

 

[chiliredkitty]

Dave, I'm glad I could help. Sounds like you have some momentum now...

I agree with HOF et al...rename yourself. If you don't know who you are, then you can be whoever you like. That could start with a new online persona - safe, controllable, no risk.

And I bet Awesome McKickAss wil have more fun than Blank_Anyone.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Olivher Clothesoff

Super Dave Assburne

The Artist of Orgasm

Grandmaster D! and his furious 5.5 inches!

Dave the pussywhisper

Dave Cummoniwannalayya bring a Ukulele and sing Tiny Bubbles!


You're doing great! A name change promotes more esteem.

Legendary Basketball Coach John Wooden wrote about the pyramid to success. He was much more than a coach of a university team. He was a visionary, years ahead of his time in how to work athletes and help them be men too.

 

[soph]

A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.
John Wooden

Ability is a poor man's wealth.
John Wooden

Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.
John Wooden

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
John Wooden

Be prepared and be honest.
John Wooden

Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.
John Wooden

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
John Wooden

Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
John Wooden

Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.
John Wooden

Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.
John Wooden

I'd rather have a lot of talent and a little experience than a lot of experience and a little talent.
John Wooden

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
John Wooden

If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes.
John Wooden

It isn't what you do, but how you do it.
John Wooden

It's not so important who starts the game but who finishes it.
John Wooden

It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.
John Wooden

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
John Wooden

Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.
John Wooden

Never mistake activity for achievement.
John Wooden

Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.
John Wooden

Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts.
John Wooden

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.
John Wooden

Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.
John Wooden

The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.
John Wooden

The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones.
John Wooden

There are many things that are essential to arriving at true peace of mind, and one of the most important is faith, which cannot be acquired without prayer.
John Wooden

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
John Wooden

What you are as a person is far more important that what you are as a basketball player.
John Wooden

Winning takes talent, to repeat takes character.
John Wooden

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
John Wooden

You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
John Wooden

Keep growing and learning and feeling better about who you are. Best Wishes!

 

[Kathryn]

Ron Swanson, head of the Pawnee Parks and Rec Dept. Ron is a conservative libertarian who loves woodworking, breakfast foods, hunting, and fishing, and he keeps a sawed off shotgun in his desk. Like the The Most Interesting Man In the World, Ron exudes the kind of over-the-top manliness that is both awesome and awesomely hilarious. In one episode, he presents his Pyramid of Greatness to the boy’s basketball team he coaches. Ron says the pyramid represents a “perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.” The pyramid, which satirizes basketball coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success, includes such gems as:

Body Grooming: Only women shave below the neck.

Old Wooden Sailing Ships: They’re beautiful

and

Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity and love making. No emotional sweating.

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/110120/park-recs-pyramid_1500.jpg

 

[justwatchin]

Lmao thanks for sharing that Hangman

 

[Question Man]

The pic comes out too small to read, but if you Google "Swanson Pyramid" you can find a better one.

Dave, I'm sending you a PM

 

[CalicoSky]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I think I will stick with Blank Dave, after all the Blank is there to be filled in.

Actually, I got called away, and forgot what else I was going to say.

I did act upon the invite for Saturday night.

Actually, sexual energy did come up during my last meeting with my therapist, in a round about way. Even before taking the meds, in high school and university, I didn't have a lot of sexual energy. He put forward that due to my upbringing, my parents' sexual relationship, and general environment, I would have concluded, not consciously, that having/developing/displaying sexual energy was a bad thing. Therefore, I have repressed it.

An interesting theory....Could explain why I think about it, am physically capable of it, but have very little desire for it.

 

[Temmah B]

Don't know you but can tell you have positive vibes.

Good luck.