Thank you all for your support & advice. It sounds like my feelings are normal for the situation. I can relate to AnastasiaB's description of her client's "ouchy" energy. I do "pump up" my positive energy whenever I see this client, to balance the negative energy she brings to the room. (She talks throughout the appointment, which is mostly a stream of venting & complaints about her life.) Although I give her my best work, I don't attach myself to outcome. Some days she'll say that was the best massage she ever received and express how much my work benefits her. Other days she'll tell me she doesn't think the massage helps her at all. On the days when she complains about my work, I remind her that massage therapy is optional. She's welcome to stop coming for a while, and see how she feels. I've also offered to refer her to other massage therapists, to see if their skills might give her greater benefit. She backpedals quickly then and says she'd like to stay on my schedule. (She's a regular client who I see every other week.)
Seekingequanimity, it's funny you should mention boundaries. I have strong boundaries in my massage practice with all of my clients, but this client challenges them weekly in new and creative ways. Thankfully, she respects any boundary I set, but she requires me to set them constantly (which can be tiring.)
Truthfully, I would have dropped her as a client long ago if it weren't for her husband. He has progressive illness, and requires massage as palliative care. He is one of my absolute best clients. He's reliable, considerate, easygoing, kind, funny, and respectful. He's an absolute joy to work with. However, if I stopped working with his wife, I know he would stop coming to see me as well. Since I don't want to lose him as a client, I've committed to working with her as well.
So, I've decided to see this as a positive challenge. Part of life is knowing how to relate to all kinds of people, including the ones we find difficult. I have learned a lot working with her: about maintaining boundaries; taking care of myself; letting go of outcomes; and cultivating patience and compassion. From an eastern perspective, I feel like this married couple represents the full Ying/Yang of client personalities. I remind myself that sometimes it does take darkness, in order to see the light.
Thanks again everyone for your support. And for those of you who work with similar clients, my support and positive energy go out to you as well!
t049
Edit: If any of you read this post in the first few minutes after I posted, you'll see I have since edited it to remove some details. I realized I had originally given too much information about this couple, making it easy for someone to identify them if they lived in my town. For confidentiality purposes, I'm keeping it a little more vague.