MT Family life

[Pompal 09.]

I am married to a fantastic M.T who I can honestly say is dedicated and one of the most devoted and sincere therapists around.

The only insecurity I have is the denial of the male clients she has. She denies having any good looking male clients but sometimes it is really obvious after a massage that she is a lot "happier" than usual. Some of these guys are gym fanatics or really fit.

It hurts when she comments on how I need to change my appearance, what I need to change with regards to the type of underwear worn, I need to shave my underams/chest etc.......I do my best to look and feel attractive to her but feel this is never good enough. No bragging here, but have been told I am good looking.

Am I being too insecure regarding this as whenever it's brought up, she denies any feelings regarding physical touch (especially regarding kahuna massage) but feels free to fuel my insecurities regarding this.

I can't believe she doesn't enjoy massaging a gorgeous body (compared average to OK) more than usual - of course she denies this. Surely it makes your day a lot more exciting handling yummy versus yukky?

I know communication is the best way out but the same answer of denial always comes out. she has told me that she wouldn't like it if I was a M.T doing the same to women though.

Where do I stand with this and how do I overcome my insecurities?

Lastly, do M.T's loose part of their sensitivity to physical touch to loved ones as since my wife has become a professional, the amount of physical touch I receive is absolutely minimal. I am sometimes embarased to tell people what she does for a living as they always assume I'm a lucky sod and get more therapies and touch than usual.

Apologies if this sounds like I need counseling.

 

[iluvaaron<3]

Hello,

For me, I don't think of masasage therapy as being sensual or sexual in any way shape or form,. The body type of my client makes no difference to me, and I give every client 100 %, because they expect that of me. The Idea of " yummy versus yukky" is not considered.

I to am "happy" after giving a massage, It really makes me feel good to GIVE a great massage! I don't feel "Extra" happy because some clients might be in better shape than others. Maybe your wife just really loves her work and is not "denying" anything. you may find it difficult to think of your wife putting her hands on another man, I know this because I am a man and my wife has to deal with me putting my hands on other women everyday. But, the fact is my wife and I love each other very much and we are secure in our bond and she supports me in my career choice. You said your wife is a "Fantastic,Dedicated,Devoted and Sincere Massage Therapist, maybe you should take her out to dinner, get those other thoughts out of your mind and just be secure in your bond together.

All the Best,

Dave

 

[bcakEs85]

MT Family life

I am married to a fantastic M.T who I can honestly say is dedicated and one of the most devoted and sincere therapists around.

The only insecurity I have is the denial of the male clients she has. She denies having any good looking male clients but sometimes it is really obvious after a massage that she is a lot "happier" than usual. Some of these guys are gym fanatics or really fit.

It hurts when she comments on how I need to change my appearance, what I need to change with regards to the type of underwear worn, I need to shave my underams/chest etc.......I do my best to look and feel attractive to her but feel this is never good enough. No bragging here, but have been told I am good looking.

Am I being too insecure regarding this as whenever it's brought up, she denies any feelings regarding physical touch (especially regarding kahuna massage) but feels free to fuel my insecurities regarding this.

I can't believe she doesn't enjoy massaging a gorgeous body (compared average to OK) more than usual - of course she denies this. Surely it makes your day a lot more exciting handling yummy versus yukky?

I know communication is the best way out but the same answer of denial always comes out. she has told me that she wouldn't like it if I was a M.T doing the same to women though.

Where do I stand with this and how do I overcome my insecurities?

Lastly, do M.T's loose part of their sensitivity to physical touch to loved ones as since my wife has become a professional, the amount of physical touch I receive is absolutely minimal. I am sometimes embarased to tell people what she does for a living as they always assume I'm a lucky sod and get more therapies and touch than usual.

Apologies if this sounds like I need counseling.

Denial of male clients??

Perhaps she is being sensitive to you as well as not wanting to discuss client matters with you. There are a lot of MT's who keep thier client info private. It is not your business.

How many doctors or other healthcare providers disclose how good looking their patients are to their spouse?

As for her not touching you, strictly in the massage way, well... you are not alone. Many of our spouses dont get massage. There is an old saying, family of an MT gets the least massage. Just like the shoemakers kids always run around barefoot, the mechanic always has the worst running car, etc....

I know communication is the best way out but the same answer of denial always comes out. she has told me that she wouldn't like it if I was a M.T doing the same to women though.

This I dont understand. What IS she doing to her male clients that she wouldnt want you to do to a woman if you were an MT??

Lastly.... I have experienced and heard from others that many MT's go through relationship changes when in school or early in their career. This work can really change how you look and experience life. Not all spouses can handle this. Some get really jealous as well.

Good luck.

 

[Pompal 09.]

MT Family life

it is really obvious after a massage that she is a lot "happier" than usual. Some of these guys are gym fanatics or really fit.

I'd have to say that as a general rule, I'm much happier after giving a massage, but it has absolutely nothing to do with the "fitness" of my clients. I'm happier because I'm doing the job that I love. Massage is one of my great passions in life. Imagine how an artist would feel after a day of painting a masterpiece.

It hurts when she comments on how I need to change my appearance

This really has nothing to do with her being a massage therapist. It's a common problem with couples and has more to do with your relationship and your communication skills with each other.

I can't believe she doesn't enjoy massaging a gorgeous body (compared average to OK) more than usual - of course she denies this. Surely it makes your day a lot more exciting handling yummy versus yukky?

Actually I prefer massaging my "little old lady" clients to the body-builder clients that I have. Massage has NOTHING to do with enjoying the "view" of your client's body. Massage is about helping people to feel better.

I know communication is the best way out but the same answer of denial always comes out.

Perhaps you keep getting the same answer from her because it's the truth and that's the only way she can answer you??

how do I overcome my insecurities?

Sorry...can't really help you there as that's beyond the scope of our practice.....but, I can say that if your relationship is a good, steady, trusting one then perhaps this wouldn't be a problem. Perhaps there is some way you could work on building up your relationship and your communication skills?

Lastly, do M.T's loose part of their sensitivity to physical touch to loved ones as since my wife has become a professional, the amount of physical touch I receive is absolutely minimal.

I'd like to stress that the physical touch we give our clients in no way diminish our abilities or even desire to touch our loved ones. The two aren't even connected. Most people who go into massage are by nature "touchy-feely" people. By my very nature, I am constantly touching all of my loved ones....spouse, son, friends, family but I'd be doing that whether I was doing massage or not...it's just my way. Perhaps there are other reasons why you feel that you receive less touching from your wife now? Again, I'd be more inclined to look at the total aspect of your relationship rather than focus on your spouse's vocation.

Best of luck to you,
Angie

 

[Sue C]

MT Family life

[quote="I'd like to stress that the physical touch we give our clients in no way diminish our abilities or even desire to touch our loved ones. The two aren't even connected. Most people who go into massage are by nature "touchy-feely" people. By my very nature, I am constantly touching all of my loved ones....spouse, son, friends, family but I'd be doing that whether I was doing massage or not...it's just my way. Perhaps there are other reasons why you feel that you receive less touching from your wife now? Again, I'd be more inclined to look at the total aspect of your relationship rather than focus on your spouse's vocation.[/quote]

Angie,

I never thought about this!

I remember my mother telling me a story. When she told me, I must have been about 16 or 17. It happen when I was in the 6th grade. I HATED my 6th grade teacher. Absolutely hated him. Apparently, I would touch him, I would put my hand over his. I had no idea I was doing this. My 6th grade teach asked my 5th grade teacher about this. Apparently, I did this with my 5th grade teacher as well. I liked my 5th grade teacher! He was a man as well. Again, I had no idea I was touching either of these teachers! When my mom told me about this, I was embarrassed! Mom told me my 5th grade teacher told my 6th grade teacher that was just how I was and there was no harm in it.

My 6th grade teacher and I were horrible to each other, that much I remember! I would ignore him and read books in class and he would throw foam bricks at me, which I would promptly pick up and throw back at him as hard as I could. He didnt like that and would scold me.

 

[Ghana Banana]

Thank you everyone - I just find it really hard to deal with sometime ie.. when we spend days weeks living past each other - this is pretty much when the insecurities kick in.

It's great to hear the feedback from other professionals as it make me feel more at ease (My wife says the same sort of things as you all have) but sometime plays on my insecurities as I become rather dogmatic when I'm insecure or need more attention.

I'm now dealing with this in my own way and am progressing as I should have years ago.

 

[SJM]

Welcome otherhalf... thank you so much for coming to the forums to get your answer, which can be really tough at times. Please don't hesitate to continue to post, we are here to help you.

This is definitely something that family has a hard time dealing with, and I understand 100%. I have experienced it personally, and seen it happen to others.

Questions for you:

Did she become a MT before or after you were married? Has she Professionally massaged you in her office setting as if you were a client and not her husband? Have you received a professional massage by another practitioner?

 

[starfire85]

MT Family life

This answer is prior to reading any other comments, only because I want my thoughts to begin at your original question/remarks. I'll read the rest of the thread after. I'll break it apart with the quotes as I go along.

I am married to a fantastic M.T who I can honestly say is dedicated and one of the most devoted and sincere therapists around.

The only insecurity I have is the denial of the male clients she has. She denies having any good looking male clients but sometimes it is really obvious after a massage that she is a lot "happier" than usual. Some of these guys are gym fanatics or really fit.

It hurts when she comments on how I need to change my appearance, what I need to change with regards to the type of underwear worn, I need to shave my underams/chest etc.......I do my best to look and feel attractive to her but feel this is never good enough. No bragging here, but have been told I am good looking.

Am I being too insecure regarding this as whenever it's brought up, she denies any feelings regarding physical touch (especially regarding kahuna massage) but feels free to fuel my insecurities regarding this.

I can't believe she doesn't enjoy massaging a gorgeous body (compared average to OK) more than usual - of course she denies this. Surely it makes your day a lot more exciting handling yummy versus yukky?

I think you very well could be insecure regarding these issues. Here is my reasoning.

As an MT, I don't have situations where I am interested in my clients. I really enjoy my clients, I feel like they are a part of my "group" and when I have one move away or disappear for a while, I think of them and wonder where they are and what they are doing, but, there is not a raw attraction.

To massage a well built body over an average one is not the same as looking at cars for me.
When I see a beautiful old car, yes, I get the "ohh-ahhs" inside.

Not so with "people bodies". It's just not the same. With clients, I am in the mental mode of trying to help facilitate healing or relaxation - and therefore I am focused on the task at hand.

What does happen though, is I may see how in tune a body is or how nice a person can look (average or not) and I sometimes will focus on becoming better with my own work-out, eating habits, make-up and attire.

It really does not make my day more exciting to work on, what you call, a "yummy" body. It doesn't make a difference. It is work. Sure, I am one of the lucky few who enjoys their work (I am helping others), but it is still work, and there is no sensual excitement to that. Additionally, I don't see any bodies as being "yukky". I do see clients with poor attitude, dispositions and those who are rude or mean spirited as being "yukky". This crosses all body types.

I know communication is the best way out but the same answer of denial always comes out. she has told me that she wouldn't like it if I was a M.T doing the same to women though.

Where do I stand with this and how do I overcome my insecurities?

It could be that the reason she is suggesting you not become an MT is because you are currently focusing on this raw attraction regarding that you believe occurs during massage. Are you wanting to be an MT to help people or so that you can experience "yummie" bodies? I think that is something only you and her can really answer.

Overcoming insecurities can be a difficult thing to do. Sometimes they are deepseated. Sometimes you have to do personal work on this with the help of another. Sometimes you just have to trust your partner. Sometimes you have to grow into this. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes it just takes a leap of faith. It is hard to say. But, if you are interested in overcoming them, the work has begun.

Lastly, do M.T's loose part of their sensitivity to physical touch to loved ones as since my wife has become a professional, the amount of physical touch I receive is absolutely minimal. I am sometimes embarased to tell people what she does for a living as they always assume I'm a lucky sod and get more therapies and touch than usual.

Apologies if this sounds like I need counseling.

If you are wanting massages from her though, and she is working full days, it may be hard for her to provide massage to you without setting up an "appointment". Although you are not an MT and can't post on the this thread, it may help to understand why some MT's have difficulties working on their partners.

But if the question is sensitivity as a couple, I have not lost any sensitivity due to my profession.

 

[AshRay]

Since I have been an MT my perception of people's bodies has changed massively.

One of my first clients was a seriously fit guy - REALLY lovely. I really enjoyed doing that massage and I will be honest and say it was very superficial of me, and highly unprofessional as an MT.

Since then however, you get so used to working with bodies - it really doesn't matter to me if it is a fit guy, a fat woman, an old guy, a gorgeous woman - what they are to me is a whole. They are a combination of experiences and emotions all of which can manfiest on their physicality. Their body is a actually a really small part of who they are - buit a very important part.

All I want is to be the best MT that I can be, and that means to help them facilitate whatever healing it is that they are looking for in that moment. To do that I focus less on what their body looks like, and more on what their body feels like, where the tension is held, where the sensitivities are. It really doesn't matter what it looks like (with obvious exceptions - varicose veins, scar tissue etc!).

And yes, after some massages I will be obviously happier than others - take yesterday for example. One client was a woman that I have seen several times before and has a huge sense of humour and an easygoing nature. Another was a male client that I had never seen before, who was obviously feeling a bit ill at ease, and who I had to work hard with to help him relax with me as an MT before I could be of any real benefit to him. I was much more obviously happy after massaging the woman, as we get on so well, although I wasn't unhappy after massaging the man.

As for the male client I mentioned first? I never saw him again....

 

[Cora D]

breeksy, thanks for your honesty. It bothers me when therapist claim that they see all bodies as exactly the same, in the same clinical light. After all, we are humans, and as a whole, we are more tactile (and emotional) than the general population. Why shouldn't we appreciate something beautiful when it comes into our office?

For instance, I have a client who I see once every 3 months or so. He has the most beautiful skin, bar none, that I have ever seen in my life. Perfect, blemish free, incredibly unreal beautiful color, seriously, his back looks like a bar of fine milk chocolate. Yes, I notice. Yes, I appreciate. No, I do not want to have sex with him. :

I had a client who is a yoga master, hiker, and mountain climber. He had a massage from me just because he felt like it. His muscles were like a textbook. Not like a body builder, just perfect proportionality, perfect relaxation, relaxed posture. When he walked, it was like he glided across the room, no compensating for tense muscles, just flow. Yes, I noticed. Yes, I appreciated. No, I did not want to have sex with him.

I had a client not long ago who is in her mid-20s. She came in on a gift certificate. She was adorable, pixie hair, rosy cheeks, bright eyes, darling curvy little figure. Yes, I noticed. Yes, I appreciated. No, I did not want to have sex with her.

(I see a theme developing here. )

As bodyworkers, it would be strange if we didn't appreciate the esthetically pleasing. In some cases it may make us more conscious of our own physical fitness. Perhaps it may make us more conscious of the fitness of our significant other also.

Your question though, about whether she is happier after a massage on a beautiful person... I think that's an incorrect assumption. Personally, I am happier or more engaged after certain sessions. For me though, it's the person who comes in with pain and after the session says "I feel so much better, thank you."

Or like the session I had yesterday. I have an every-six-weeks client, she's a sweetheart, loves animals. Soft-spoken, takes care of the elderly. She's probably in her 40s. Sometimes when she goes face up, we chat. Yesterday she asked me about growing up in a small town. I'm always willing to share my life (selectively) with my clients. I will talk about the good things, and the funny things. Humor is always a winner, and I can tell a story. I told her a story about one of my very first jobs when I was a teenager. She laughed until tears streamed down her face.

After the session she told me that it was the most she had laughed since she could remember, she thanked me for the story, and said she felt wonderful. Then she gave me a hug.

I felt VERY happy after that session.

See what I mean?

As far as insecurities, talk about them and LISTEN to her. If you two can't resolve it on your own, get help. Do it now before a therapist has to undo a bunch of crap to get you both on the same page. Usually people wait until the conflicts have done nearly irreparable damage to a relationship before they get counseling. Why not get help before it reaches that seforum.xxxe? (Costs less to go before the relationship is a wreck, too.)

 

[makinroadkill]

As far as insecurities, talk about them and LISTEN to her. If you two can't resolve it on your own, get help. Do it now before a therapist has to undo a bunch of crap to get you both on the same page. Usually people wait until the conflicts have done nearly irreparable damage to a relationship before they get counseling. Why not get help before it reaches that seforum.xxxe? (Costs less to go before the relationship is a wreck, too.)

Quoted for truth!

 

[gemgem279]

Quoted for truth!

Can I get a HE11 yeah? t043 t044

 

[Henry Spencer]

Welcome otherhalf... thank you so much for coming to the forums to get your answer, which can be really tough at times. Please don't hesitate to continue to post, we are here to help you.

This is definitely something that family has a hard time dealing with, and I understand 100%. I have experienced it personally, and seen it happen to others.

Questions for you:

Did she become a MT before or after you were married?
Afterwards. I stood by her the whole way during her career change/life change. Sometimes it was hard and i'd moan (a lot sometimes), but ultimately, I'm there for her.

Has she Professionally massaged you in her office setting as if you were a client and not her husband?
In the past years, about 3 times - her office is our home which causes problems when she works late (typically until 9PM) and the kids and I have to tip-toe around and not make any noise. It makes us feel like we're losing out on our own free time.

Have you received a professional massage by another practitioner?
Nope - I have said I would but I'd prefer her to so I'd feel I get to spend that little extra time with her.

 

[Gala]

Thank you all once again for all your valuable responses.

My insecurity definitely stems from only one kind of massage - the Kahuna (loving, sensual massage). I know I stew in emotions at times - especially when I feel that our lives are passing each other by and the majority of her regular clients who receive this are males receiving more time and care than I do.

Having her room at home definitely does not help at times even though I was the bright spark who came up with the idea in the first place.

She doesn't like talking to me about her massage or odd things which happen which is why I take to heart everything which you have all said.

Good old insecurities, I'm working on them and am fully aware that Mrs is a dedicated professional and would not do anything out of the ordinary. I'm in the process of moving ahead and going through my own life changes and all your feedback has provided me with valuable securities.

Wow - you've all become my online counsellors.

Thank you

 

[3utkarsh3]

Thank you all once again for all your valuable responses.

My insecurity definitely stems from only one kind of massage - the Kahuna (loving, sensual massage). I know I stew in emotions at times - especially when I feel that our lives are passing each other by and the majority of her regular clients who receive this are males receiving more time and care than I do.

Having her room at home definitely does not help at times even though I was the bright spark who came up with the idea in the first place.

She doesn't like talking to me about her massage or odd things which happen which is why I take to heart everything which you have all said.

Good old insecurities, I'm working on them and am fully aware that Mrs is a dedicated professional and would not do anything out of the ordinary. I'm in the process of moving ahead and going through my own life changes and all your feedback has provided me with valuable securities.

Wow - you've all become my online counsellors.

Thank you

Okay, I had to do a search for Kahuna massage.

Are you in Australia?? There are tons of references to Kahuna massage from Australian websites. One said other names for Kahuna massage was temple style lomi lomi.

I have a question for the original poster:

What do you think your wife is doing with her clients behind a closed door??

Do you think she is having sexual relations with her clients and using massage as a cover up??

If she is legitimate and professional, this shouldnt be an issue.

I see two ways this could be:

1) Your wife is performing shady massage. You are right to be insecure.

2) Your wife is performing legitimate massage. You shouldnt be insecure but still are.

Either way it seems you must talk to her and let her know how you feel.

 

[rae rae shorty]

My insecurity definitely stems from only one kind of massage - the Kahuna (loving, sensual massage).

Like Greatlakes, I had to look up Kahuna on google. (It sounds like Akuna Matata from Lion King to me) What I found said that Kahuna is basically Lomi-lomi Hawaiin massage. Why does that make you insecure? "Loving, sensual massage" you called it. Well, as caring people, I like to think massage therapists imbue their work with love: the pure, healing kind of love. And "sensual?" Massage certainly involves the senses, but I don't think that's what you mean by sensual. Are you referring to the long smooth strokes? Then Swedish massage is sensual, too. But you seem to mean sensual as in sexual. Perhaps you know something about Kahuna that I don't, and couldn't find on google.

It bothers me when therapist claim that they see all bodies as exactly the same, in the same clinical light. After all, we are humans, and as a whole, we are more tactile (and emotional) than the general population.

t023
True! Tactile... sensitive... sensual... It's inseperable in many ways from the nature of what massage therapists do. However, despite seeing and appreciating, that does NOT translate to sexuality! (Nor being judgemental toward a non-perfect body!)

 

[jimmy4burnet]

Gee, everyone could've searched for kahuna (or correctly it is ka huna, though no-one seems to worry about that these days) on here - there are a few of us that practise it.

otherhalf, I'm going to assume you are in Australia, since that is where temple style lomi lomi is most commonly called ka huna massage, elsewhere it is called temple style lomi lomi.

From what I can gather, more marriages break up with this style of massage than most if only one of the people involved has done the training - the courses are a lot of personal development type work, from Level III up, and it's the personal development work, not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh causing the marriage issues. There is usually at least one spouse doing the course after their other half has done lots of the courses.

There are no prerequisites for Ka Huna courses, or the other style of lomi lomi, Heartworks Lomi Lomi, taught by the main school that does ka huna training in Australia.

I recommend you either go do ka huna Level I&II (7.5 days), or the Heartworks training (2.5 days), and preferably do Heartworks as a couple (there is a couples course running April '07) Heartworks is a very effective and easy to learn technique, and it's just one weekend away.

 

[Russell M]

Wow - I didn't want to get everyone worked up on this - sorry

I do not see sensual as sexual.

as melb pointed out - "not the minimal draping so you're exposed to a lot of naked flesh"

This is where the majority of it all falls into place, and yes, I am very aware of what's going on and what's not going on.

In every profession is an element which a parter does or may not feel comfortable with - this just happens to be mine.

FYI - I am not a MT and do my utmost best to understand and learn what is involved. To date I think I've done a really good job at this.
I'm human and when for whatever reason I do feel insecure, certain things do hurt more.

From what has been said already, I know I have to deal my problem and thank you all for your responses.

 

[lil_c200516101]

Otherhalf,
I am not sure if you have already tried this, but is it possible that your wife could refer you to another MT she knows who practices this kind of massage?
Perhaps experiencing it for yourself would prove enlightening and add a new depth of understanding for you to your wife's work. Perhaps one of her mentor's or teachers? And it would give you two something to talk about...

 

[spencer J]

I have received one Kahuna massage over a year after she started offering the therapy to her clients.

I think it's best I don't continue with my insecurities (which after listening to equal professionals - all of you guys) has made me realize I am most definitely far too insecure and need to re-asses my emotions.

From all you professionals who work hands on with body's all the time to desk job people like me who get absolutely no hands on body contact on a daily basis, I just hope you understand and don't think I',m a raving lunatic for feeling the way I do.