Ocean Spa - Dont bother

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So my lower back was a bit sore yesterday after 3 hours of tennis so i figure I will try to get 2 birds stoned at once. I have a penchant towards asian girls, and i remembered someone here asking about the place on 112 street a while ago, but couldnt find any reviews. So I figure what the hell, whats the worst that could happen, I'll toftt and find out. They are always advertising on CL about their various asian massage techniques so hopefully i'll get at least a decent massage out of it right??

So I show up and get led in by an asian lady, not attractive to me, not young either. My big brain is saying gtfo, but my little brain convinces him otherwise....she's probably just the manager, the real girls will be inside, dont worry about it. Hmm, yes there is another girl there....but this one is even less attractive! The CL pictures are definite fakes. Before I know it i'm in the massage room with the first woman, already trying to upsell me. I negotiate down to an acceptable price, I tell her all i want is a good massage with a HJ finish. I have no desire for FS or anything more, she just didnt do it for me lookswise, and the age didnt help either, i'm not even 30 yet and I'm not really into milfs to begin with, so no help there. I'm sure most guys would have just left, but I'm too nice of a guy, I dont want to hurt her feelings...also I'm a little bit lazy, I was already here, might as well go through with it


So I take my cursory shower, I always shower thoroughly beforehand, and good thing too, the shower wasn't clean so I basically get in and out. Get on the massage table, and it feels like its about to break. She starts with the massage and my expectations quickly came shattering down. I was hoping for a hard, vivian style asian massage, but instead got the old "slap some oil on and rub my hands around randomly". During this she kept going on about how nice my body was and how good looking I am...I'm guessing they dont get any decent looking guys in there. After not long at all she wants me to flip over, I happily oblige, just wanting to get this over with. Then she pretty much starts mauling me like a piece of meat, I had no desire for lfk or dfk, but she kept trying to, eventually she got the hint. Also I swear I could feel the hairs on her upper lip, but i'm trying to block that out. I had only wanted a HJ, but she pretty much would not take no for an answer to FS. Again my nice guy gene kicked in and I agree to it, wtf am I supposed to say, umm no I would rather not have sex with you.

I opt for her on top, I figure if i'm not doing the work it'll go faster. I close my eyes and go to my happy place. Thankfully I have a vivid imagination...in the background I vaguely hear her talking about wanting to be my girlfriend...oh dear god no! I close my eyes even tighter imagining myself with Jessica Alba...trying to make this happen as fast as possible. Thankfully she was very tight and I was able to finish in fairly short order. (Credit goes to my imagination and Jessica Alba for that).

She seems genuinely disappointed that i'm finished, I'm pretty sure she was having a much better time than me. I quickly get cleaned up and take a quick shower. She was not done having her way with me, and tells me I have more time, and asks If I would like another "massage". I kid you not she did the finger quotes. I try not to visibly shudder as I make up an excuse about having to meet some friends and quickly take my leave. As i'm going she wants to know when i'll be coming back again....yeah right.

Anyways, that's my story, I won't be taking any more for the team anytime soon. I dont really give a crap about the money, but that experience just left me feeling like a vet coming back from a war. (Okay thats probably being overly dramatic)

Also to any SP's reading this, I want to give you gals major kudos, i'm sure you have to be with a lot of "less than attractive" men and still seem like your having a good time, I definitely couldn't do that.

I think I need to go shower again after reliving that.

 

[Nilo]

This review is f***king hilarious, Brad!

Sounds like you got the true GFE for the price of a HJ.

FS and DFK with hairy lips included!

Sounds like a bargain.

I'm surprised she didn't sit on your face demanding DATY.

That would have been the icing on your cake!

 

[Pompal 09.]

Great review. Had my suspicions about this place confirmed.

 

[DAMIAN]

I had many similiar experience at asian places. It's best to read reviews first from ppl you can trust before going!

 

[Laura L]

well atleast u can be happy when she took her panties off, there wasnt something else down there, mustache and all u can be thankful for that atleast

 

[0sm0di0r]

Sorry to hear that dude.

Y'know what they need to teach us dudes in Pooning 101? How to say No Thanks and Walk Away. I wish I wasn't such a nice guy too and could just bail out.

 

[Mister Diddlez]

Great Review,
Pretty Funny Brad!
I was thinking of going there....Not sure now

 

[mumba]

Wow. If that review does not make up your mind, what does it take?

Stud.

 

[Addman]

Next time your needing a real massage go see Vivian at Body and Soul. The problem is that she works alone and only advertises on the days she is working. Her massage is second to none. While the other Asian MPs are nothing more than jack shacks, she is the real deal.

She does not offer FS, but trust me you won't miss it.

 

[JAMES P]

Dude, you are preaching to the choir, have been there several times. I totally agree with you. But like you said her schedule is pretty random, and hey I need some variety too

I wish Vivian would employ another girl or 2 and teach them how its done.

 

[knownout]

Good review.

I think that all 3 of the Asian MPs in this city can officially be downgraded to "Junk" status.

 

[Tuddy]

LOL i have to say, as sympathetic as i am, that was funny as hell! Was laughing my way throughout...I've had similar experiences before, wanting a handjob/blowjob only and ended up being practically raped against my will...like u said, kudos to all the SP out there for doing what u do, esp. those that can take 8~10 who-knows-what customers a day and still have a smile on your face, u all have my deepest respect.

 

[While Quantities Last]

more like icing on his face hahaha

 

[Robert]

I have not been to any Asian micros or MPs but have met a few from CL in Edmonton and in Toronto earlier this summer. There is definitely a similar pattern that is 99% accurate.

1. They lie about their age...usually about 10 to 15 years younger. (they think you silly white boys are easily fooled)

2. Their pics are 99% fake usually taken from Asian nudy mags.

3. Don't expect too much more than F/S and no MSOG

4. They will try to convince you to stay or upsell if they can sense that you are hesitant so be strong and politely refuse if you don't feel it's right

5. The bad ones always calls you Honey, just about every second word.

How do I know this, because I have met with 5 of them and the exact same shit happens but like Brad said sometime we don't think with the right head. So for me, there will be no more Asian no matter how good of a review. I have been scarred and betrayed by my own race.

 

[hopefull411]

I visited here once. When I walked in the door a decent looking one about my age directed me to a room. We talked abit and she agreed on $.8 for fs gfe.

Everything seemed to be going fine at this point so I took a shower. After my shower she walks in and tells me she lost track of time and another client had booked her but the other attendant is fine with the price if I want her.

The little man forced me to agree so I stay and wait for the other lady. When she walked in the pulse quickened, my muscles began to tense, and my eyes widened. I was here to poon! Not sumo wrestle.

I think she got the hint that I wasn't interested when I started getting dressed. Afterwords the third attendant came in and she was smoking hot so I ended up staying the since little man has yellow fever.

 

[dani_e152003]

has anyone been there since? I google street viewed the address and it showed a hair salon..weird. Is it close to that "hair garage" place? Or has google screwed up?

They also got on the news as they were robbed a few months ago...

tineye: no results
http://images.craigslist.org/3n23k23m75V55W05R5aagdcbbe5e3c6c4185b.jpg

http://edmonton.en.craigslist.ca/ers/2009490736.html

 

[Abbey loves Jesus]

Sometimes I feel so bad for you guys! but ... hahahahahahahahahaha! Thanks for the great belly laugh! I think if I ever write a book I will have to add a new chapter

xoxoAS